«The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.»

«Each of us has the right and the responsibility to asses the road which lie ahead and those over which we have traveled, and if the feature road looms ominous or unpromising, and the road back uninviting-inviting, then we need to gather our resolve and carrying only the necessary baggage, step off that road into another direction. If the new choice is also unpalatable, without embarrassment, we must be ready to change that one as well.»

«Whenever you make a mistake or get knocked down by life, don't look back at it too long. Mistakes are life's way of teaching you. Your capacity for occasional blunders is inseparable from your capacity to reach your goals. No one wins them all, and your failures, when they happen, are just part of your growth. Shake off your blunders. How will you know your limits without an occasional failure? Never quit. Your turn will come.»

«Coaches who let a championship team back off from becoming a dynasty are cowards.»

«Blessed is the servant who loves his brother as much when he is sick and useless as when he is well and an be of service to him. And blessed is he who loves his brother as well when he is afar off as when he is by his side, and who would say nothing behind his back he might not, in love, say before his face.»

«Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.»

«And you don?t get the normal perks of a normal job, like people who work in an office; they have other people there, you can flirt, you know? You go, ?Hey! Oh, you?re new here, aren?t you? How are you getting on? Do you want a coffee? I was gonna go get a coffee- I can get you a coffee? You know, I like my coffee like I like my women- in a plastic cup!?Beekeepers can?t do that! 2,000 bees? (buzzing sounds) ?Hello, there, you in the street! You?re new, aren?t you??(scared) ?Huh???Do you want a cup of coffee? It?s no problem! (buzzing continues) No real problem???I don?t want a cup of coffee from you! You?re covered in bees!??I like my women like I like my coffee? covered in bees! Now back off, back off!? (screams)They?re always just behind you? or in front. If beekeepers get together, and go in a sort of general outing, and they?re in a van with a lot of bees following, ?Faster! Faster! (buzzing sounds) Faster! Put your foot down!?(sighs) Yes?»

«The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating......and you finish off as an orgasm.»

«If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.»

«We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.»