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Letter "J" » Jack Handy Quotes
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«Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.»
Author: Jack Handy
(Writer)
| Keywords:
attached, attaching, attach to, earliest, Nothing More, stick, striking, surface
«I remember how my great-uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint.»
Author: Jack Handy
(Writer)
| Keywords:
all day long, all over, as good as, boat, bumpy, great-uncle, his uncle, Jerry, larger, Marks, porch, porches, toy, uncle, uncles, whittle, whittled, whittles
«The land that had nourished him and had borne him fruit now turned against him and called him a fruit. Man, I hate land like that.»
«I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.»
Author: Jack Handy
(Writer)
| Keywords:
domination, fall under, more and more, planets, ruthless, solar, solar system, The Domination, The Solar System
«If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.»
«When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.»
«I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when you kill someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet.»
Author: Jack Handy
(Writer)
| Keywords:
double, double play, freaking, freaks, freak out, generosity, greed, illustrate, illustrated, illustrates, illustrating, kidding, kinda, lit, Lose Control, on fire, Playing with Fire, puppet, ran, running play, Something Stupid, the play, villain
«We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.»
«If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact»
«Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.»
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